Tom,

Our hearts are heavy over here, not sure if I will be able to call you in the morning or not.

We went to our doctor appointment late this afternoon, our baby continues to have the problem with fluid build-up in his chest and abdomen. The fluid they removed a week ago has returned. Many questions, few answers. The doctors simply do not know what the cause is and do not have a course of action to treat him. His diagnosis is non-immune fetal hydrops. We asked how long he would likely survive and were told 2-4 weeks although this is very uncertain. They just do not know. They are monitoring Lea and there is no immediate danger to her at this time. Our next appointment is January 3.

Some discussion with the doctors and nurses about options and a path to take. We continue to feel led that the best path is to let him rest peacefully in the sustaining environment he is in, inside his mother, praying for him, loving him, as helpless as we are to do this without being able to touch and hold him. The issue of what he is feeling continues to be on my mind. The desire to protect your child from pain and suffering is a strong one but so is protecting your child’s life. I guess this is the tension we live in these days.

I think of the verse you sent us, and we continue to take the same approach, that all we can do is lift him up to God and trust that He would show grace and mercy to our son to take him home sooner if he is experiencing some sort of pain. Would appreciate your continued prayers.

Have a safe trip to see the family, sorry to share this update, it is a terrible time of year for news like this….

Dave

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22 December 2007

To Dave, and to Lea – two great friends …too

I woke up this morning. Clock said 3:00 am. Thinking of you and what you wrote last night, I decide to get up and go for a walk and pray. But I don’t. I get up and pray …and decide to write.

You’re a father. You have an unborn son. You have an unborn son who every doctor you have talked with and every web-site you have visited, says will die. It’s just a matter of time.

What you fear most is his suffering, No father wants to see his son suffer. The more you think of his suffering, the harder his death becomes.

And on top of all this, it’s happening just before Christmas, a time we wait for the unborn to … … … … … suffer and die.

It’s the Christmas of the Father.

The Father knew his Son’s fate while the Son was yet unborn. The Father knew what Christmas meant.

The Bible, interestingly, doesn’t say much about what the Father was doing or thinking or feeling the day his Son was born – seems strange. We know what the angels were doing – singing their hearts out and shouting Halleluiahs across the heavens, frightening the dickens out of shepherds. Even the heavens were moving as the star led the wise men from the east to come and worship. The king of the land was so concerned he had all the babies born killed. This was a big day. And the Father is where? What is he doing that is so important that he looks to be a no-show at his son’s birth?

Perhaps he’s grieving.

Perhaps he’s alone, as much as one who is everywhere can be alone. Perhaps the Spirit is with him, comforting as much as a father, seeing what his son is about to go through, can be comforted.

Yes, Dave, it’s Christmas. And what you are going through is awful. It will be hard to celebrate. But you’re not alone. There is a Father who understands all too well what it’s like to have an unborn son who will suffer and die. If there’s anyone who can come along side in your pain, it is God.

This will be like no Christmas ever before. It will be a Christmas of the Father – looked at not just for what we get out of it, but for what a Father gave.

But why? Why are you being asked to give so much? I don’t know.

Why did the Father give so much? Because He loved the world so much.

Can one understand the love without knowing the pain? Dave, your letters are awash in a father’s love. And we understand the love by reading of the pain.  Reading them, feeling them, knowing what you are going through has given me a glimpse of what Christmas really is. It’s not much about what we make much about. It’s about a Father’s love for a son who will suffer and die. It’s about a Father’s love.

You are not God. You are one of us. Your son is not Christ (but he is also not just nothing as some would pretend he is). He is also one of us. But as you go through this season, as father and as son, you are giving us all a glimpse of something we have never seen this way before: Christmas as the Father.

We will pray for a miracle. God is famous for womb – miracles (hint – the Father’s Son). There has never been a doctor yet who gave any hope for a virgin to have a child. So, there’s hope. God has end-plays we have not even imagined.

But if it be as the doctors say, your son’s life is not in vain. He is teaching more than words could ever what our Father’s love is all about. And Christmas will never be the same. There will always be the silent, grieving view – The Father’s Christmas.

May Christmas bring another  miracle,

Tom